Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Me No Like People

Last night at The Cock with Silas & Keith, I was waiting in the line to piss -- so bad. One guy tried to say something about the poster on the wall which I did not give a fuck. I grimaced and was getting impatient as he started to talk with me using his voice. I gave him the ugly look and shrugged him off as if I'm not interested (he's kinda hot) mainly because I had to urinate so bad.

He noticed that I said something in ASL. He then quickly said, "You deaf?" in ASL. Now I'm piqued with curiosity and full of interests. Hell, my bladder can wait for few seconds, I guess?

Suddenly, the guy that was using the stall came out, indicated that it is my turn. I smiled and told him that he's cute and I got to piss so bad. He said, "You're cute! Find me over there."

Well, I never found him anywhere else afterwards.

Must be one of these phony guys who said, "You're cute!" but the cold reality is that I probably am not.

Ahh. Which brings me to the title above. I just cannot enjoy people these days. Little things that they do pissed me off. Confused me. Irritated me. I have the boundary lines. Lately, I noticed that some people has been antagonizing my limits.

Whether if I am "Deaf Gay Militant Terrorist", people still are entitled with respect and dignity -- it required both sides from A to B *and* B to A. I think, living in New York for the last two years, has enabled me to mature a little and be tolerant of hearing people's quirks at times. I may act like I condemned hearing people, I may sound like I advocate the wild behavior of Deaf men in bars/club settings, but no, the cold reality is that I do not do that.

Lately, I enjoyed being alone because I am tired of defending myself to people who has done nothing good to me. There is a park down the street. I am beginning to notice that I enjoyed sitting on a park bench and watching people go by. Watching birds flying above the Hudson River. At this pace, I feel I am at peace. I do not have to defend myself, judge others and engage in these silly, blistering comments with each other. I do not have to sell, flirt, be funny, be irritated or anything like that at all. Being stoic at times is bliss.


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