Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Size 38?

After the debacle of my relationship with Todd, my first and foremost boyfriend when I was in high school, I had no one to turn to. Not even my parents, friends, teachers or anyone else in the state of Virginia.

I was hurting.

I plunged into a depression (I never noticed) but either way, I sank and gained a lot. I went from the waist size 36 to 50. That was a cue. 50 is ugly. After some years of battling depression, I am able to keep it in check and move onwards. Slowly, I am now rolling back to size 40. For some time, I struggled to break the obstacle in reaching thirtysomething.

Last weekend, I think I just crossed the line as my pants kept on falling down. It is now to Size 38!!

Yay. This week, I plan to sign up at a local gymnasium to work out and improve my health. It is my hope that in a year or less, I will look good and healthy.



Hearies Can Be Stupid

Last night, Mark and I chatted at The Phoenix. We were trying to talk as much as can be before he goes home to Wichita, Kansas. One hearing guy came over to talk with Mark, I was bit annoyed because Mark is with me to chat more before he departs.

I'm sick of hearing men thinking they have the right to bump in and take over the attention.

I was patient enough. I looked at his t-shirt. I liked the comments it said: "Sorry, Girls ... I Only Suck Dicks."

I thought it was cute. I pointed to his t-shirt and said, "I like it."

He said, "What?"

I like it.

He gave me the facial expression that was somewhat "No, no, no. Not me."

I was perplexed. He asked me by paper pad, "You tried to ask me to suck you?"

I gave him the ugly stare. I said, "I like your t-shirt, I don't want your mouth on my cock!"

He turned to ask Mark if I hated him. Dofus bag. Mark snickered. I told Mark that I already hated him a week ago!

That guy was bit scared of me since I stopped talking to him. I just discarded him as I do when I am done with newspaper into a trash bin.

Later, at the bar, we ordered two Bud Light. Jim, the bartender knew we were Deaf. Jim kept on insisting to use his voice with Mark. Mark cannot read at all. I can read a little. Mark was confused. And Jim was very rude and abrasive, he rolled his eyes when Mark flinched his eyes as not to understand what Jim said.

I interrupted Jim that he cannot understand a word he said. Jim said, "He has to try."

I said, "Stop barking with that voice, and write it down."

Jim got pissed off and refused to serve me all night long.

Who was rude?


Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Who Is Carrie?

When I was a student at Gallaudet, I used the VAX WhatsupX Notes Confab, there was a gal who kept on using these words: Facinorous grin. My roommate from California said that there is no such word for facinorous. We searched through some dictionaries and asked Carrie in whatsupX Notes Confab that there is no such thing as "facinorous". She said that it is an old English word. Sure enough, we found it.

Later, we met in person ... long story. But I did not care much for her. She stared at me as if I was evil. I smirked. I was on the floor, peeking out of my bedroom. It was silly thing. But one thing led to the other, Carrie and I talked.

And hung out. Carrie can talk very well and can hear. She said she is Hard of Hearing. I shook my head. I said, "You're Deaf."

She shook her head, "No, I can speak and hear a little, therefore I am Hard of Hearing."

I said, "Stop it, Carrie. You are Deaf even if you can hear a little and speak very well. There are many Deaf people in the past who can hear and speak but they call themselves Deaf."

It is all about pride and confidence, really.

IN that semester, we hang out together so much to a point where she has to go back home, she objected to her parents that the television set must have the captions at all times. Good for her.

From there, we are pretty good friends. We do almost everything together during the year. Remember Cowden thing? Amazing. Remember the jerk-off? And all that stuff.

Today, I'm proud that Carrie is able to stand up and say, "Fuck you, I am Deaf and don't you call me HoH!"



Tom Tricoli Needs To Be Crippled

Tom Tricoli is not human at all. He is not even a male, to start with.

Often, Deaf people tends to develop codes and slangs to chat with each other. It is their way to shield themselves from hearing people like Tom. It is always tragic that he would mock at the grammatical structures of American Sign Language.

Reading his blog is pretty pitiful to read because it is full of inane remarks. None of it is true, of course.

American Sign Language is visual language, we pick up the images and convert it into words of our own to prevent an ordinary faggot like Tom Tricoli from understanding our conversations. From there, he was able to interpret on his own and mock at it.

He does not have a career, all he does is to manage a bar. It is sad. So SYL to you and do us a favor, please die, Tom Tricoli!


Kenfucky Is Fag Factory?

Over the years, I observed Deaf people from different places all across the world. Kentucky seems to breed more gay guys than anywhere else in the United States!!

To my best knowledge, I knew of approximately 15 guys who are gay from Kenfucky.

Wonder why?

Must be in the air or water. Umm.


In Search Of BnB Inn

I am in mood to get out of the city in few weeks. I want to stay at a gay-owned Bed and Breakfast Inn in a rural area such as Vermont, New Hampshire or Pennsylvania. I really needed to dip in a pool and a jacuzzi with an empty mind.

Much to my delight, lots of BnB Inns are relatively well-priced.

Only time will tell before I make an announcement.

It is more likely that I will take a couple of hearing friends (What?!) with me and perhaps, one deaf person to a secluded place for the weekend. Not only that, it is my wish that the BnB Inn be in the Appalachian Mountains.

Why? Because my roots are from there. I grew up there in Staunton which is located in Shenandoah Valley of the Appalachian Mountains. My father came from Big Stone Gap, a tiny town in the southwestern part of Virginia just few miles from the state line of Kentucky.

Speaking of Big Stone Gap, check my home page and see the Powell Valley. That is where BSG is located in. And there is a novel called "Big Stone Gap" by Adriana Trigiani who now lives in New York. To understand the depths of my affection for these backward folks, read her novel.



Rayni Is Finished, Who's Next?

Last weekend during the 35th year of Stonewall Riots, Rayni said "yeah, whatever" to Eric and got married in Las Vegas. My congratulations, Rayni.

Of course, Rayni never said "yeah, whatever". I was being silly.

That is 2nd marriage in few weeks. Will I be married to a guy of my dreams? I do not know. Only the Fates know.


Monday, June 28, 2004

New Assortments On My Blogsite

I added few interesting blogs -- vividblurry is a gay guy from DC, he is absolutely blunt and honest with his thoughts. It astounded me to no end. I tend to make fun of things around me. I tend to ridicule. But this one just trashed things when he is up to it. Todd's Blog is nice. I enjoyed reading it very much.

I also decided to classify "Abandoned Friends" for these who do not update their blogs.

I am tired of reading people's favorite blogs. I wanted to do something different. I am doing the list that I think is plainly inane and worthless to deal with. Why did I do that? Because I can.


The Pride Weekend

The Pride Weekend was fun-filled for me. So many things has happened over the weekend.

Made new friends, met old friends, saw stuff that my friends out of town probably never saw in DC or Wichita.

Last night, I befriended a cute, timid and innocent boy at The Park -- lowered my legs in the jacuzzi and chatted with him via my pager. He was nice fella. But a twink. he said he works as a Hostess at a particular restaurant. I teased him by popping a question that he works at McDonalds. He is cute when he was fuming.

The Park was packed. Roy's friend accidentally fell in the jacuzzi -- so did my roommate. Manny tossed an empty cigarette pack into the dancing crowd mainly because he was so frustrated because it was so fuckin' packed.

Last Saturday night, stuff were pretty the same. It was packed. We all loitered all night long. It was ridiculous. Merritt shot a good quote that made me laugh so hard, "Did Reagan forget to die a while ago?"

I've decided to do something interesting with my blog. I shall establish the list of blogs that I find it stupid, inane and pitiful. How's that, dude?

I just read a weblog by one HIV Poz who said that he thinks he has the right to unload into a negative guy who pestered him to get HIV. I thought it was stupid of him, that person is obvious suicidal and in need of help. Do you let people jump off the building if they want to kill themselves? Having HIV/AIDS is a living death. It slowly eats you up, ultimately takes your looks, brains and withered you to your own death.

GeekSlut's comments proved that I should *not* contribute a cent to HIV/AIDS organizations. I do not want to contribute money to any organizations that deals with people who WANTED to convert and be converted.

And I agreed with one writer who said that gay people needs lesbians, because when hard times come for a certain persons, Lesbians always help out. Gay men vanished so fast that you could not register a thought or two. It is so true.

I got several numbers from several persons, I wonder what to do them? Call them? And get to know them? By fingerspelling so slowly for eternity? I do not know ...



Saturday, June 26, 2004

No One Can Deny ...

No one can deny the facts that even though the Pride Parade & Festival occurs tomorrow (Sunday the 27th), lots of dramas already ensued in the last few days.

The Hole last Thursday night with Merritt, Manny and Mark are simply hilarious, impossible to describe and outrageous. Simply put, it was a situation that shall remain in these hallowed grounds. Like Las Vegas posted its TV ads, "What happens in Vegas stays here."

Suffice to say, we are all busy. We are heading out to check out the places ... might take a cruise tonight or head out to Boysroom. See see.

Later and behave!


Thursday, June 24, 2004

Update: Benis & Awon Ain't Coming

Me mad. Me sad. But me never hates 'em. Honestly, who can hate 'em?


Who Has That?

You know, I think Chlms has something that not many people could say it outright.

Her high school diploma was signed by William J. Clinton. Her Bachelor of Arts (Or B.S.) degree was signed by William J. Clinton. Then her Masters Degree was also signed by William J. Clinton as well.

How? Chlms attended Arkansas School for the Deaf in Little Rock which is operated by the state, thereby WJC was the Governor. Gallaudet University normally have the U.S. Presidents to do the carbon-copy signatures on all degrees. Chlms got BA and MA (actually, her second MA) at Gallaudet.

Who can claim to that?

Chlms, fuck you. You know what I'm talking about. :-) *flicks my hair behind*


Bright Blue?

After work, Cynthia and I walked with sheer anticipation to see what Merritt and Manny did to our apartment. We were sufficiently stunned. They descerated my apartment and painted the walls bright blue.

Now I am afraid that Cynthia might get drunk and mistook the bright blue as a pool and jump into a wall.

That was BEAUTIFUL work. Wow. The living room/bedroom is still messy but Merritt claims that it will be done by 1 PM today. Then in time for 3 people to arrive from Virginia and the District.

That is going to be crazy weekend, my friends.

This is going to be a short entry today because Janyce is here for an inspection ... I have to take her on 3-building tour. Wish me luck.

I just checked out a blogsite whom I cannot stand this morning. That dude thinks he has the license to make fun of others but feels that I was overboard in terms of ridiculing and humiliating him. Well, tough luck. Life ain't fair, when an opportunity arises for me to seize and kick your ass, you bet I will take it to my advantages. Meanwhile, somebody get me a whiffle bat to whack him down.

It is one thing to object something but for one to ridicule one's objections is insensitive and overboard. Such an angry person with vile comments ... *yawn*. Waitress, give me the check so I'm out of here!

Oh, by the way, the gang and I will venture out tonight ... perhaps to The Hole, Urge, Boysroom or The Slide. It depends on how cheap the group is.



Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Once A Republican, Always A Hypocrite

When Monica Lewinsky sucked President Clinton's cock in the Oval Office, they did not invite the world to see their sexual tryst. It was one-on-one, a secret thing. A fling that millions of people on this planet do *all* the time.

Check the sex clubs, check the Triple XXX events, and check the Union Station's Men's Bathroom by the food court where Dorian Fletcher frequented. Yeah, there are swingers organizations across the nation that sponsored the events. Yeah, these barebacking parties. These tea rooms. You get the point here.

The majority of participants are more likely to be the Republicans. The P Street Beach between DuPont Circle and Georgetown in the District often brought the drunk gay men to the dark forest where married, closeted Republicans from Georgetown lurked inside the park, waiting for the drunk gay men to zip down their pants so these cock-deprived Republicans can feast and guzzle some anonymous cum down their throats.

When President Clinton cummed into Monica's dress out of exhilarating orgasm, the Republicans and Ken Starr were *so* fast in criticizing him. They singled him out.

I'm like, "Shut up, you twerps. You are no better than Clinton. Look at you, I saw you sucking someone else last night at that park..."

Now with this story coming out, I hadn't seen anyone complaining about this. Not even a Republican. Where is Ken Starr? Ack, who wants him? Such an ugly piece of shit. Where is Newt Gingrich? He dumped his wife for a younger whore. Where is Rush Limbaugh? He is divorcing his third wife.

Well, all I can say is ... once a Republican, always a hypocrite.

Honey, it is getting tiresome.


Here They Are ... !

Last night, I walked to my place and had a long nap (mainly because I did not feel well). I was startled by Pepe, our obnoxious demonic housecat, jumping across the bed as if someone is at the door. I turned to see Sheba barking in a low sound. Enough to emit a sound for me to feel on my bed.

Went to open the door only to see Manny and Merritt standing by the door.

Oh, sweet God. It is Pride Week! Up next is Mark, Jason, Awon and Benis to arrive in the next few days.

Of course, when Manny and Merritt were here, we talked about PEOPLE in the District. Oh, man.

All I can say is that even if NYC does not have a great Deaf Gay Community, I'm glad to be here. It is so dramatic down in the District. I am done with petty and childish behaviors. I'm too old for that.

Thank God for this week, it is going to be very flexible week for me. There is no "structured" plan this week. With Mark, Jason, Awon, Benis, Manny and Merritt, it is impossible to plan ahead in advance. Suffice to say, we will party.


Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Amarillo, Texas

I drove across the country. One time, I was driving westward on Interstate 40 about 100 miles west of Oklahoma City on the way to Amarillo, Texas. It was pretty hot, sunny and humid day. Then I saw a massive ominous clouds on the horizons. One best thing about the Panhandle Texas is its lack of trees, you can see the lands for miles and miles.

Anyway, the clouds were rolling in much faster towards us and me driving towards them. Suddenly, I was dumped with heavy hailstorm that I panicked and saw the bridge over the interstate highway, I quickly parked under it. Several cars followed my methods. I was stunned at the storm's fiercest response. The hails were smaller than golf balls, really. Several trucks also parked next to us, shielding my car from further damages.

About 20 minutes later, the sky brightened up as if nothing ever happened. Back to hot and humid.

I like Amarillo. It is All-American Beef City! Check this out for what happened last night at

On other hand, we have fourth beheadings by Islamic extremists. Soon, it will be hundreds to a point where Stalin once said, "A death is always tragedy, but a hundred deaths are just statistics." Let's just chop some Muslims' heads off.


On My Command

Few years ago, Bray, Irvine and I had a conversation about getting attention. Bray complained that he is in the mood to get everyone's attention -- He wanted it so bad so that he can see what it is like to be constantly mentioned by others for few days.

I told him that it can be arranged. Irvine groaned and giggled. I told him about the plan. Bray smiled so hard, we did the "RIB" thing to keep the secrecy going.

I told him that in order for him to be a prima donna queen, he has to do something drastic ... something to pull the rabbit out of a hat and brought everyone to a standstill. He wanted that. I offered him the solution. He took it to his heart.

He also worked as the mascot of Gallaudet, he has to don a costume as a Bison and joined with the cheerleaders at the basketball games.

Irvine and I sat in the back rows of the Field House during the men's basketball game between Gallaudet and some team from Pennsylvania. It was very hot and tight game. At the halftime, Irvine and I approached Bray in a classroom and asked him when will he pulls the antic? Bray was sweating profusely due to the fact that the mascot itself is wool and heavy. He smiled and said, "Soon, soon."

In the second half, with 7 minutes left, Gallaudet was down by 3 points. Bray did it. Bray, inside the mascot, fainted. He knocked a cheerleader down and tumbled on a bleacher, then onto the floor. The female cheerleader tried to pull him up by kicking him in his torso (!!!) first. Then tried to call him by shaking his shoulders. No response.

The cheerleaders panicked. The fans stood up to look at the mascot. One guy ran down to get some help, he uttered: "BISON IS DEAD!!"

The basketball game was halted for a minute or two. The players (both teams) watched the mascot being attended by people, trying to free him of his mascot. It was such a drama. People came to assist Bray and hauled him out of the gymnasium. People were standing and watching Bray.

Irvine and I were amazed at the audience. Bray actually wrecked the gymnasium. I snickered. Irvine tried to suppress his laughter.

People's attention towards the game was ultimately wrecked. Gallaudet men's basketball team fell apart after the "halt" and lost by more than twenty points. Tough luck, I'm sure Bray ruined the players' mental focus on the game, really.

Irvine and I went on to check with Bray who were assisted by the campus police, EMTs and blah. Bray then looked at me and gave me a quick wink at me to acknowledge that he did it. I suppressed the smile and said, "Are you OK?"

Oh, lord. He did it on my command. For the next few days, he was the big talk on the campus. Even basketball players came to ask him if he's OK. We swear to each other to keep it a secret for a semester or two.

Bray, thanks for the memories!


Deaf World Is One Tiny World

I was browsing through Amy's albums. What stunned me the most is ... Jeff's brother's wife! I knew her. The last time I talked with her was in '88 and she virtually vanished on me ever since. Little did I know that Kim married Chris!!

Sometimes I love the Deaf Community. Sometimes it is a pain in the ass. Amy, can you talk to Kim and find out about Greg Crane of Seattle, Washington? I exhausted my search for Greg a while ago, it is kinda sad, really.

Today, I still smile when I thought of what you once said to me, "The only way for you to identify me and my twin sister is through our breasts. Me tiny, Emily huge and she brags about it." Sure enough, when I first met Emily, I was terrorized by her huge breasts which she added by pushing these out for the world to see. You were like, "Emily, pull it in! Stop showing it off!"

Few years ago, I saw Emily at Gallaudet Homecoming, she was dating that hot guy from Alabama who is also a bit airhead to start with. That guy is a fuckin' hairy. That is hot.

Jeff absolutely looked so different. There is no way in Heavens or Hell that I will be able to recognize him. Did you, Amy, wake up in the middle of the night and wondered who he is next to you? ;-)

Small world, damn it.

Last night, I went to The Cock for the first time in weeks. I observed lots of people struggling to get drinks while I have no problem at all. It is a blessing to have friends in high places. ;-)

At one point, I was staring at someone else and quickly typed on my pager for someone else who paged me. Then sent it without looking down at it for any miserrors. One guy next to me touched me and spoke, "Wow, you typed so fast on this tiny pager and you did not even look at it." I nodded and said on a paper pad, "Practice makes it perfect."

Such a life for me. Sometimes I type while I walk, but I never look down. I only keep my head up and try my best. Of course, there are few errors, but the numbers are very low. Not bad for a guy like me ...


Monday, June 21, 2004

Who Is Corey?

The picture which I posted below with me is Corey Tut. He works as a bartender at several bars which I frequented. He also works as DJ at different bars as well. When I first met him, he has a tough-looking face. Kinda scrawny but so tough. I met him at The Hole when he was doing the music.

I love his music and videos. I swear that if the Rock Festival had him as DJ, nobody will dance. Because everyone will stare at his outrageous videos. You would sit and do not want to miss the next scene. The anticipation is there. I often stopped talking with friends each time they changed the scene because I wanted to see what Corey is doing the next thing.

From there, we became good friends. 'nuff said, he's cool dude.


Rains Are Not The Only Ones That Fell Down In NYC

With more than 19 million inhabitants living together in 5 boroughs, it is expected that bizarre things do fall over the time. So this is a good example.

Run for your lives!


Few Pictures For Anyone To Snicker About

Corey and I at The Slide. He's Da Man.

Me posing up at Chlms' Crappy Palace in DC few years ago.

Travis and I posed up with two sculptured fags at Christopher Street.

See Forbit?

Travis and I loitered at The Slide and saw this -- very bizarre to find it in a gay bar.

Some Musings On My End

Merritt once told me that if I align the bed towards the north or south, the magnetic fields from the north pole to the south pole will do the wonders for your mind while you sleep. If you sleep towards the west and/or east, you will not have a good sleep. Since then, I had observed the patterns, he was apparently right in this. I had been getting a lot of good dreams.

I just heard about the drama(s) of Arkansas girls in Santa Barbara, Las Vegas and Phoenix. You know, there are certain things in life that does not change over the time.

Last night, Shane and I had a good time at The Park.

Ahh, I noticed something interesting. Bobby deleted my name on his bloglist. Umm. Interesting.

Oh, I just learned that Triple XXX is back for this weekend. Another drama in the makings. Is Awon ready for this?


Saturday, June 19, 2004

Delanne's Big Day

Delanne Woodall, congratulations.

For this special day and now on, you are now Mrs. Delanne Woodall Hamlow.

See? I am thinking of you when I am not with you. And see? I did not stand up and object when the minister says, "Anyone who objects to this union should stand up ..."

I wish I am there to witness the union for you, Delanne.

Perhaps in time, I shall see you very soon.

Enjoy the day and the days afterwards.

With tons of love,


See ...

I got this from someone via email. It's cute.


See Deaf People can not hear you, but you can see them.

See Deaf People have hands to sign to you,
but you can not sign to them.

That is too bad for you.

See Deaf People are not their fault for losing their hearing,
but you are at your fault for not signing to them.

See Deaf People can do anything with their jobs,
you can not trust them because of their hearing loss.

See Deaf people invent many things,
but you don't take their wonderful ideas.

That is your loss.

See Deaf people are the winner in many ways.

Listen to them carefully....

Friday, June 18, 2004

Finally, It Is Over! My Tormentor Is Done For!

Rejoice! Spread the words to the corners of the world for the audit is *over*! Now I can go back to my normal scheduling where I can hang out with Benis and others for the time being.

After three-day of auditing my program, it seemed to me that two days ago, it was 80% good, 20% bad. But it probably downgraded to 70% good, 30% bad. At least, I'm trying. I am only first-year supervisor. I shall learn and aim to improve. So the result whether how many months I shall receive in order to operate my program will not be disclosed for few weeks. But at least, the audit is *over*.

The beheadings of Americans at the hands of barbaric Islamic extremists repeated the need to return the favor in force. How? Let's grab a Muslim on the street here in the USA and chop their heads off, then announce to the world that we did it. And if they chop an American civilian's head off in Riyadh, so can we in the fuckin' United States of America!

These twerps won't give us the mercy, so will we. Let's seize a Muslim from a taxi here in Manhattan or Chicago or Los Angeles and chop their heads off. LOL. Let's start choppin'! Off with their heads!

It all boils down to who is responsible. Who?

The Saud Family. They are the responsible ones. The royal family of Saudi Arabia belonged to an Islamic sect called the Wahabbism. That sect, Wahabbism with the blessing of the Saud Royal Family, had the freedom to craft the rules in social behavior, education and governmental practices on everyone else.

That sect, Wahabbism, is largely dominated the kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Many Arabs were gullible and brainwashed by these backward Clerics who kept on criticizing the world of being infidels. That sect encouraged their people to be intolerant. That is the keyword here: Tolerance. They encouraged the intolerance.

As much as the Saud Royal Family will deny this, they support the concept of Wahabbism. How? Many Americans and foreigners that lived in Saudi Arabia for jobs, they are required to live in a compound with a 14-foot wall around them to make sure that they do not interact with anyone else. Most extremists in Pakistan came from Saudi Arabia's sect! Look at Iran, they are reasonable people, why? They renounced the sect. Look at Osama bin Laden, he is a devoted Muslim of Wahabbism sect.

So we need to cut the root of all problems. That is to wipe the Saud Royal Family out and to root and kill the Clerics who practiced the Wahabbism. That would send a huge psychological shockwaves throughout the Arabian kingdom and around the world. That Islam can live without Wahabbism.

I don't support the death penalty but in certain stances, I shall support the measures to wipe people out in order to ensure that the future generations can survive with each other.


Thursday, June 17, 2004

Here Is The Flamin' Rose of Texas!

Toto, I think I saw a flamin' rose of Texas running by!



Where Is His Tongue?

This should be a good warning for people who likes to make out with strangers before getting to know each other.

Now the question of the day is ... where is his tongue?


Was She Over The Line?

Few years ago, I chatted with my close friend (let's call her ... D) who is also Deaf. She mentioned about an incident where she witnessed a hard of hearing African-American guy (actually, he can speak very, very, very well and can hear very, very, very well) beating up on his girlfriend who is Deaf. That girlfriend is pretty close with D.

Of course, D is very assertive and smart woman. She intervened to protect the woman. And in the process, D became involved in a huge argument with this dude. This dude was so frustrated because D was winning the whole thing. Suddenly, he turned his voice on and stopped signing.

He turned the tables on her and berated her. Confusion ensued. He was taunting her and at the same time, making fun of her because she was not able to understand what he was trying to say. Things got ugly to a point where D got upset, she decided to do something drastic. That I thought she was brave to do that.

She went to her truck and opened her door, ready to escape ... before she could run off, she shouted to get this dude's attention. She shot a comment that caused this dude to go berserk.

"For you, I wish the slavery did not end!"

Needless to say, she left the scene.

Was she over the line?

My opinion is ... no. She did not. She was winning the arguments when the battle was fair between her and this dude. Then he decided to use his voice to oppress her. D has the right to fuck him off by throwing him off the tracks.

Few years later, a similar situation happened to me. Look at me, I'm not attractive. I'm chubby. I'm hairy. I'm 30. My English skills are not great. I try my best. Blah, blah. I did not go to a well-known school like Harvard or Yale.

I got involved in a huge fight with Awon and Benis. Awon is extremely smart, cute and articulate. He goes to a well-known school. Honestly, if Awon and I go to a gay bar, Awon will have a line of men trying to hit on him while I have no one in the line. His writing skills ... just wiped me off the map. Not that I complain. But the fights that we had with each other was purely ridiculous. After I tried my best to explain what was happening, Awon was very upset and resorted to ridicule me based on my appearance, my writing skills et al. It was escalating to a point where I wanted it to stop and it was very demeaning and hurtful.

It is enough that I already acknowledged that I'm not all that. But Awon has everything going for him and yet, he ridiculed me. I could not make fun of him based on what he looks, thinks or how he writes. He is *perfect*. I quickly remembered D's tactic and I did something that abruptly put everything to a screeching halt.

"For you, I wish Hitler finished his job."

You see, Awon is jewish. Not practicing, though. But when I said it, he was devastated. Finally, it shattered everything that we had been fighting for. Of course, over the time, we made up. Awon is one of my dearest friends. I love him to death. I will defend Awon from anything else but I think I have the right to attack him and he has the right to attack me. I'm not encouraging people to use this tactic all the time but sometimes, people needs to use this tactic as the last resort to shock one to back off and think about it.

Was I being over the line? Of course not. Yes, I was being mean. I had to do something to stop it. Do I regret saying that? Yes, of course. But I think it helped us appreciate each other more than ever. And I certainly love Awon. Why do I love Awon? Ask Beth.

Awon, love you babe! You better come to Manhattan on June 25 or Benis and I will divorce you! Mwah, mwah and one more mwah.


Wednesday, June 16, 2004


I'm walking on a thin ice. My boss is enjoying this more than I do. Since it is my first time to "see" my program being audited in action, I grimace and grinned throughout the 2-hour meeting. 80% are good, 20% are horrible. That is all I can say.

But it ain't done until Friday. So I'm checking emails for few minutes then walk around -- if my pager vibrated, it could be from my boss telling me to come up to face the representative from the state for some questions.

And by the way, the interpreter is so cute. Too bad, I had a runny nose today. I probably made a fool out of myself, though.

Last night, at Nowhere Bar, one guy kept on kissing me and said I'm the best on the block -- I'm like, "fuck off". This happened right after Web, Cynthia and Benis left.

If I'm up to it, Benis and I might check the event in Times Square as what you'd describe it as "gay networking party". No big deal. I'll just bum around. But God, I need a nap.


Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Insanity Rules

Last night, my boss ordered me to go home after I began to see the typos on my paperworks, frequently confused myself in the process. A sign of wearing out. He laughed so hard and told me to go home. I went home.

On the way home, Cynthia and I got a slice of pizza for our dinner at 11:45 PM. While munching the pizza, we saw a guy waiting for his order. He had 4-inch heavy nails inserted in his earlobes. It is heavy that you can see the lobe straining downward. I looked at Cynthia, she acted as if it's no big deal.

Wow. If it happens in Richmond or Staunton, Virginia -- he'll be an outcast, period.

Yakked with Benis who were on the road to Manhattan via the pager.

At home, Cynthia was hysterical and began to slam her hands on her bedroom door. I asked her who was in it? She said, SHEBA! I told her to get in. She said, I AM LOCKED OUT OF MY BEDROOM!!

The keys are in there? She nodded then turn back to use her back trying to break the door. I stared at her. She groaned. She can hear a little. She screamed when her dog, Sheba began to whine. Her cat, Pepe started to use his paw under the door to pick on Sheba. For a long time, Pepe picked on Sheba.

I picked up and drank Bud Ice. Not bad. Then I watched Cynthia scrambling to look for a knife and a small paint can so that she can slip the knife into the knob and bang the small paint can on the knife to gain the pressures on the knob. It snapped. The door opened.

YES! She said. And she smiled sheepishly, I THINK SHEBA CLOSED THE DOOR BY MISTAKE, I'M NOT SURE.

I was tired. I could not say much. I just grinned. Cynthia said, GUESS WHAT? I FOUND OUT THAT WE HAVE STARZZ CHANNEL!

Me stared at her. Too tired to exclaim or anything. Took a cold shower then told Benis to page me when he arrived. I fell asleep.

Woke up at 3:30 AM, being paged by Benis 11 times. Oh, fuck. Ran down to meet him outside. Hugged him and brought him home.

Benis is here. So glad but too bad, this week, he probably will feel bit left out because I'm distracted with the paperworks for the audit.

Oh, by the way -- Happy Birthday, Shane.

Add Scandia to the list since I knew him from college. That dude seems to be relatively calm and quiet, but he knew how to party.


Monday, June 14, 2004

A Quick Way To Make Fun ...

A little break to vent out from my paperworks. Argh.

My hearing co-worker told me that she cannot stand hearing Bawbawa Waltews talking because she cannot pronounce "R", she always pronounced "W" instead.

Can you imagine this, Bawbawa Waltews?


Timeout For Me

I needed a little break from my paperworks. Did you know that I worked from 1 PM to 1 AM last night? I expect that I will work from this AM to 11 PM tonight.

Anyway, some people asked me why I posted the first picture of women's basketball on my right?

It is all about metaphor. I love women's basketball. Stop it, Beth, I know you rolled your eyes. But the picture shows Texas' Stacy Stephens holding her ball, protecting it from several Tennessee players. Knowing their history, the rivalry between Texas and Tennessee is much longer with no love lost in it.

Look at Stacy Stephens' facial expression. She is reacting as to tell others to back off, "It's my ball, you won't have it."

Now the metaphor is that Deaf person is like Stacy Stephens. Hearing people hawked on her, trying to grab things that belonged to Deaf people in terms of education, opportunity and rights. Deaf people tends to be very expressive with their faces. So they always shot back with these reactions like Stacy did.



I Am History Buff ...

I love History. I love PBS. I love Discovery. I love The History Channel more than HBO, Showtime or Cinemax.

That's me. Anyway, I have to get back to work. Only two days left before the audit. EEEK.

However, this article is something that I have to share with you all.

Little did Rasputin knew that someday HIS object would be demonstrated to the world to see ...

Har har.


Sunday, June 13, 2004


I found out that JAC (Not Jennifer Ann Cook, thank you very much!) recently bore a daughter. Her name is Marissa. Beautiful name. I was stunned by that revelation. She is part of our Arkansas clique at Gallaudet. Naturally, it takes two to tango. I do not know who the father is. All I know is his name.

That means what? Time to pull out my old tricks to scourge for the information across the nation ... to Las Vegas or Little Rock if I must. *smirk*

Either way, Marissa is beautiful name. Congratulations, my dear JAC. Cherish the moments, for she will be 18 in a short time. Up next is Chlms. You know, my sister has a daughter recently, the name is Yamka. I thought it was bad decision. Even if it derived from an Indian name which means "to blossom". But that kid will suffer the insults at school as Yams! But Lily said that she can skip Yamka to Rose which is her middle name.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my nephew, Zachary is cool dude. Zach is wild and won't leave me alone. I think he was testing me -- he is hearing guy but since he has a Deaf uncle, he kept on trying to speak to me. He's 3. When I left his home, he wailed as hell. Breaks my heart.

Ahh, kids. Chlms, if nobody knocks you up, wanna me to donate some so I can observe you taking care of my kid without me interfering? My parents would *kill* me but I'd love that ... *smirk*

*Preparing for Chlms' wrath*

Such A Beautiful Day To Be Depressed!

I was concerned about a friend of mine that hadn't responded for 48 hours by pager. Turned out that he lost his pager somewhere in his bedroom. He found it. I'm relieved.

It is beautiful day outside. Too bad I'm at work and working my butt off. I suspected that I have a chronic depression. Not that it is bad thing. When I'm down, I'm down. Often when I am down, I cannot figure out why I am down. I just stay in a couch or in bed, wallowing in my misery for hours. Then I managed to get out and I'm back to normal. It is what I'd call it a manageable depression, I guess?

Delanne is getting hitched on June 19. I'm debating about going. I told her that I probably will not go but as time looms and friends are offering me a place to crash and a ride, to get out of the city right after the audit is done is a temptation to resist by all means. Wonder if I can bag Eric before he gets stucked with Delanne? Can I, Delanne? Just one time!

Two nights ago, I was ready to crash in my bed when I saw a professional talking about the Library of Congress in DC, he said that the original books were donated by Thomas Jefferson. He went on to say that Jefferson shaped the way of things in the library. There are three categories that all libraries should have: Memory, Reason and Imagination.

They went on to explain about three categories. It also mentioned that the comic books are part of "Imagination" category. He went on to say that the comic books are the American's foundation of imagination. Very interesting.

I saw Oprah Winfrey interviewing Brad Pitt sometimes few weeks ago, one audience member asked a question to Brad, "You have a nice butt, how do you manage to keep it that way?" Oprah intervened, "We agreed not to talk about his butt during the show." I was bit perplexed, perhaps they had an agreement not to focus on his butt.

Oh, did you see that our former President, William Clinton, was falling asleep during the Reagan's funeral services. My friend swears that she saw Hillary using her right arm to wake him up after the camera was on them, but I did not see it. Anyone else did that?

When I was a kid, I recalled being pressured and/or strongly encouraged by my teachers to write a letter to President Reagan about anything else, really. I do not recall being pressured during the Carter administration. I wondered if it was "patriotic" duty for the schools to force the students to write to White House? The reason I mentioned is that because I saw the former President G.H.W. Bush mentioned that one child wrote a letter to Ronald Reagan asking for federal assistance to clean up his bedroom because his parents are forcing him to clean up the bedroom. It was funny but it reminded me about my experiences as a child. I personally think it is not appropriate to encourage children to write to White House. I mean, they have better things to do than to deal with children, really.



Saturday, June 12, 2004

Trash Comments

Today, I had been working all evening on the paperworks for the audit -- then I got to chat with friends online from DC area. I must admit that I am pretty down because I'd love to see what Brooklyn Gay Pride Parade and Festival has to offer. But I have to do this job first.

Not only that, I'm concerned about someone else because he hasn't been responsive. He normally is heavy talker. But suddenly, something stopped.

The weather in New York is very brisky and cool even on June 12th. Wow.

Did you realize that I have been a resident of New York City for a year and 10 days? Time flew so fast.

A friend of mine in DC was sick with meningitis. I was astonished. I'm appalled that Darlene did not notify me that someone else was sick and sent to the hospital -- Darlene, you BAD BAD BAD! LOL!!

But again, this particular girl who got sick with meningitis admitted that in the last two years, she has been on 100-mph with her academic career and her personal life became haywire, thanks to that dofus bag called Dusan! When she said she was admitted to the hospital, the worst part is that her temperature was 104, she was having a fever and ... having a fuckin' period! Poor gal.

The reason I wanted to mention about her is that she has a twisted sense of humor like I do. She is fine and still recuperating. She mentioned that her mother flew in from Arizona to help out with her health. The first thing she uttered to her when she came in the hospital was: You finally crashed! I was waiting for this!!

Now I know where she got a twisted sense of humor.

I wondered who did I get it from? Certainly not my parents.

A friend of mine told me that Darlene sometimes wailed that she wished to be mentally retarded. Because information goes through them and they know nothing. Their lives seem to be pampered and taken care of. I can empathize sometimes. Sometimes I want to be the one so that people can leave me alone. Don't preach to me that their lives are hard, I know it is not easy being one but all I said is that it seems to be easy.

I should mention that I added three new blogs on my list -- they are old friends from college. I was delighted to see them setting up the blogs where they can spew the funniest comments about anything else in particular. They are none other than
Darlene, Amy and Jeff.

You did not hear this from me, after reading and watching Nancy Reagan's stoic approach and grief for Ronnie the whole week, I would not be surprised that she'll die shortly of heartbroken. It is often that many couples who devoted to each other for more than 30 years tends to die within few weeks or months of each other. Especially for the ones who are deeply devoted to each other so badly that one cannot function without the other. It may sound ominous but I'm speaking from my observations in different cases.

On another hand, I found some interesting stuff that happened on my birth date.

More General Interest
1906 Roosevelt travels to Panama
1923 Nazis suppressed in Munich
1956 Sartre renounces Communists
1965 The Great Northeast Blackout

1960 Robert McNamara Named Ford President

Civil War
1862 : Burnside assumes command

Cold War
1989 East Germany opens the Berlin Wall

1971 A Sunday school teacher murders his family and goes undercover for 18 years

1961 Brian Epstein meets the Beatles

1928 Poet Anne Sexton is born

Old West
1875 Followers of Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse identified as hostile

Vietnam War
1967 Captain Lance Sijan shot down over North Vietnam

1988 Brief Life for Bush Dollar

1938 "The Night of Broken Glass"

Interesting? Want to know yours? Go to the History Channel. Enter at your own risk.



Friday, June 11, 2004

You Go Girl, Andrea Woodson!!

Many of you knew that I love women's basketball teams. When I was in high school, my ex's high school -- Waynesboro High School fielded an excellent team in Holly Rilinger, Lisa and Heidi Diefenthaler and last, Andrea Woodson.

The trio, Rilinger and Diefenthalers, are dead-eye guards. Small but explosive. They can explode for 40 points as they often did. Andrea Woodson is big girl at 6'4 with big body-frame. She is bit slower but decidedly dominant player.

It is not surprising that you get to see the scores like 80 to 30 versus local teams. But they always choked in the state tournaments until Rilinger and Diefenthalers were seniors -- they bulldozed all the way to the finals and even routed heavily-favored team to win the state championship.

But the focus here is on Andrea Woodson. She graduated from Waynesboro High and went to James Madison University. Not far from my deaf school as well. That school is well-known for being the Cinderella team in the NCAA Tournament twice. They upset No. 1 Penn State and No. 3 Virginia on their home floors to advance further in the NCAA Tournament.

Andrea Woodson was not able to progress much better. Later, she stopped playing because she had debilitating arthritis in her hips and lower spine. That really cuts her basketball career to a standstill ... or so I thought.

Enjoy the article. Meanwhile, Andrea Woodson, you go girl!


It Is Like A Sheep -- Baa! Baa! Baa!

All day working, all night sleep!
Baa! Baa! Baa!
Herding around like the sheep!
Baa! Baa! Baa!
Work, work, work!
Baa! Baa! Baa!

Argh. I hate the pressures build up to the audit next Wednesday!

I would like to go to Brooklyn Gay Pride tomorrow afternoon but I may have to sacrifice it for the goodness of my job performance. Wait and see.

Did you know that I absolutely loved the ducks? Even if I never touched them, I always loved them? Did you ever see a cat or dog attacking a duck? No? It is because they knew that if they attack a duck, the whole flock will attack the culprit back.

So ... *quack*! *Quack! *Quack*!


Kordax and The Queen

Last night, I get to read my favorite comic book series called "The Atlantis Chronicles". It is about the drama within the royal family who ruled Atlantis for generations.

At one point during the series, Queen Fiona had a coronation which she will make her daughter the heir to the throne after her death. There was a guy named Kordax who appeared out of nowhere. He protested the coronation process because he is the elder child of Queen Fiona who abandoned him in the wilderness when he was an infant.

People were shocked. Queen Fiona did not deny it. She said that he was the result of a rape that occured to her on the eve of her wedding by a guy close to the family. Queen Fiona said she tried to take care of the infant but he was vicious and violent. Kordax accused her of lying. Queen Fiona went on to rip her dress to show the breasts which Kordax chomped off. Kordax has sharp teeth (long story) like a fish. The audience was horrified. So Queen Fiona said the abandonment was justified. And that her daughter is the first in line to be the heir to the throne, not Kordax.

Kordax tried to wage a civil war but lost. He was brought to the Queen's Throne Room with people watching. She said, "Release the chains. You are not here for sentencing at all."

Kordax snapped, "Got no stomach to punish your son, mother?"

Queen Fiona was very stoic and tough, "Perhaps. But what kind of a mother if one did not punish her child? You are now forever banished from Atlantis. You have the next tide to depart. If you are found in either city (there are two cities in Atlantis), you shall lose your other arm."

Kordax was perplexed, "What do you mean? My other arm?"

She did not say anything as her palace guards seized Kordax and chomped his arm off as he screamed in pain. Soon hereafter, Kordax departed from Atlantis.

That was a tough mother. When I saw the panel where the guards seizing Kordax, it surprised me.

That is entertainment, folks.


Washington Sports Sucks, Tards Sucks and Dodgeball Rules!

Mystics is 2-4. You know, I really can't wait for Abe Pollin to drop dead. He seems to thrive on having his teams to lose many games for many years. We need a new management who will turn the Wizards and Mystics into the winnable teams in professional level.

All professional teams in DC hasn't been doing well. Football, Men's Basketball, Women's Basketball, Hockey and soccer. Oh, gawd.

I think it is hilarious that people said that I can't write and am a retard, while they cannot spell words correctly. Underware? Anyone wants my sauterred onions that I found on my fat rolls? It s well cooked. Maybe I should sell it on eBay. Umm. You know how it is at eBay, anything goes over there. I swear this is my last one ... so help me, God.

I want to see the flick, "Dodgeball". It looks so funny. It reminds me of what I did when I was 8 at VSDB. In the basement of Llewellyn Gymnasium, there was a wrestling room designed for practices. The room is a rectangular sized with mats everywhere else. The groups of boys ranged from 6 to 15 years old were divided in two groups and each group were put at the end of the wall, squaring against each other. Using two balls to throw and hit someone else to get them out of the game. It was such a vicious and brutal. So many guys were out so fast ... then there were 5 of us, and 8 of them. Soon, it was 3 of us, 7 of them. I was one of 3.

The Recreational Director then pull the string to force us to battle each other bit closer than the room itself to tarry the time. The balls flew so fast and hard that it bounced off back to the other side of the room so fast that I cannot catch it. Sure enough, I was the only one left. 3 of them left.

After little bits of actions that I ran around trying to save my life, I managed to get 13 years old and 15 years old out of the game. I was 8, remember. The last one was Randy, a huge, muscular African American who is a starter on varsity football team at 15. He was a terror. He was the one who has the ability to throw the ball against the wall and it bounced back to him, denying me the chances to catch the ball freely.

The Recreational Director then took a ball away, thus only one ball is left. I was bit relieved not to deal with two balls flying around me repeatedly. Then the Recreational Director said that I have to be tough and face this monstrous being instead of worming myself out. That means what? Less than 10 throws, I'm out of the game. I have to do something drastic.

Randy kept on firing the ball, it bounced back to him repeatedly -- it was down to 4 throws left. My team insisted that I caught it even if it's being thrown so hard. I was afraid of being hurt. It aint no funny to have the ball slam on your chest and knock you down. Suddenly, I saw the ball coming straight at me (thanks to Greg who distracted me for a second), I had no choice but to try it. To catch it. BOOM.

That is the sound when you catch the ball in a rectangular room. My chest was on fire. Probably why I have hairy chest as of now. It hurts like hell. But I caught the ball. Randy was devastated. I won.

I was the hero for five minutes before the game resumed for the 2nd time out of 5.

It was fun being a hero for few minutes, really.


Thursday, June 10, 2004

Remember the AIDS Man?

Will, Dylan, Jake and I cracked jokes all the time about the comic book that was short-lived and mother nature buried it with embarrassment.

The comic book was known as "Dino-Man" and it was produced by Deaf artist/writer in Robert Johnson and one person, I can't remember who.

IN the story, Dino-Man is a deaf superhero who met a guy who was HIV Positive and he decided to mix ... ahem ... the steroids with his blood ... he turned into ... AIDS MAN!! *growls in the background with his hands clawing in the air*

It was incredibly dumb story. So easy to poke fun at it and suffice to say, the series was folded after the first issue.

Robert Johnson went on to produce one of most successful online business in Sextoon. Unfortunately, Robert Johnson was killed in an automobile accident in Austin, Texas not a long time ago.

My sister who is lesbian and often wary of men told me that she enjoyed chatting with RJ and that he is very charming and generous man. She was duly impressed with his laid-back approach towards women in general, despite the fact that he wrote a lot of raucous works on women.

The drama between me and this person prompts Dylan to mention that to me. Of course, it made me smile.


Honest Honest , Fear and Irrationality Rules Us!

I was reading some comments by some folks. Bobby wrote "in this day and age of hatred and terror...", he brought a topic I want to talk about.

Bobby is not the only person who said that we have to accept that we live in the age of terror and hatred as of now. Many prominent so-called leaders like Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, Bush and Rice often talked about the age of terrorism upon us.

Actually, none of it is true. Terror and Hatred has been with us for eons. Attila and the Huns terrorized Europe. Spanish folks terrorized Jews and non-Catholics. In fact, the British considered us the Terrorists when we attempted to take the independence for ourselves! There are Crusaders, they terrorized the Jews and Muslims. The Turks terrorized the Serbs, Croats, Bulgars, Bosnians and Greek. Should I go on? Japanese terrorized Chinese 50 years ago. Hitler terrorized the whole world, in fact.

One will argue that the Americans terrorized the Middle East countries with threats, money and sanctions.

These terrors spawned lots of hatred among the groups, turning themselves against the governments and so on. This has been going on for centuries.

But what prompted these so-called leaders and Bobby to say "in the age of terror and hatred"? One word: Sheltered. They were sheltered far away in a country called the United States of America where they did not have to listen to the problems out of Asia, Africa and Europe. If we did not like what we see, we send the reinforcements to force them to adhere to our beliefs or demands. Simply as that.

But the Islamic Fundamentalists changed it all. They infilitrated into our fabric sense of security and took down the Pentagon and World Trade Center. For the first time in centuries, we are forced to see the reality of the world problems and are appalled that the hatred and terror continues to run like wild horses around the globe. They acted as if it was something new.

Actually, it is not new. It has been there all along. Except that the rules of the game has been altered, it is not country against country, it is a group against the country. However, people chose to be blind for a long time and live in a sheltered manner for years, boys and girls. Someone cured your blindness and forced you to see things that you do not like. But please do not call it the age of terror or hatred. Because it is not true at all.


It Chugs for 50 Years

When I was a kid and a student at VSDB in Staunton, the houseparents occasionally took the kids to Gypsy Hill Park which is about a mile northwest of the school campus by walk. It is always fun to walk across the town. You get to go up and down the hills. You get to pass the birthplace of President Woodrow Wilson, you get to mingle through the antique shops in downtown Staunton. You get to munch a char-grilled chili dogs at Hardee's on way to the park.

Right next to the park used to be the site of Robert E. Lee High School. I always drooled over its guys. I even still remembered his name -- Trey Scott. Dunno if he's gay or not.

Anyway, at the park, it has a variety of everything, really. Playgrounds, baseball fields, a lake where the ducks dominated, There are several creeks where you can run and jump over. The open fields. There is a free-standing stage with white columns where you can sit on the lawn and watch the local music, talents and so on. It also has a football stadium designed for little league teams. Right across the park, there is a fenced area where you can feed and pet the deers. It has a road around the park -- where many people exercised.

All in all, it is All-American park, really. It also has one classic that not many parks have -- a site of mini-train where kids can ride for a dollar. I rode in it many times. Sounds lame? Yeah. But it was fun.

If you're curious about Gypsy Hill Park, check it out at this online park.


For You To Ponder About ...

I was informed by a friend that there was a riot in Yemen after the government decided to merge a deaf school with a hearing school. There was an arrest made as well. See? Deaf people across the globe, despite the differences in beliefs and religions, still view hearing people as incompetents to deal with throughout their lives.

Here is a quote that I found in a book.

Deaf people do not wish to be Hearing. Rather than mourning the "loss" of hearing, or wishing they were like the majority, they are frustrated at the lack of access and opportunity. The Deaf fantasy is not that they could hear, but that the world would be Deaf. -by Theresa Smith, 1996

Pronto. She said it all. Last night, I read a friend's comments regarding what MJ Bienvenu once wrote. MJ is correct when it comes to the fact that this world is not for hearing. It is not for whites. It is not for straight. It is for everyone else. I have as much the right to exist as a Deaf person in this world which is for everyone else.

Ahh. Few quotes that I want to throw in as well. It is not deaf-related thing. Enjoy.

Ha! Fulfillment when you've suffered as we have suffered there can be only one fulfillment ... vengeance. -Mary Bierbaum

In this make-believe, laminated business of mine, finding true innocence's rarer, true honesty even rarer, and true love nearly impossible. All the happiness I've ever clawed and fought for, what I wouldn't give to know that kind of feeling. To be part of a world of innocence, honesty and unequivocal love. To be truly happy. God, what I wouldn't give for that. -George Perez

Must I make ashes of Heaven before you understand? -Mark Millar

Life is the ultimate adventure and Death the prize that awaits us all. Since it's inevitable, why worry about it? -Chris Claremont

Maybe never. Maybe Love can never conquer Hatred. The struggle between the two may be integral to what we are. But there are small victories. The conquering of our own hatreds. The discovery that our means are superior, at least for us. And in this existence, perhaps these are the only victories to be had. -Tom & Mary Bierbaum

The constitution wasn't perfect. But we were allowed to change it ... maybe even improve it. And if America sometimes fouled up along the way -- and it did -- that was the fault of the dreamers. It was not the fault of the dream. -Steve Darnall



Wednesday, June 09, 2004

I Am The Gay Deaf Militant Terrorist, So He Says!

Tom Tricoli is at it again. This time, I am not annoyed by his rantings. The scary thing is that I am *amused* by his creative manner to name me something cool. Something cool. Something that MJ Bienvenu and Furlano will smile with pride -- call the churches to toll the bells for Ridor is now known as Gay Deaf Militant Terrorist ... GDMT! Now the Universe shall tremble before me!

One word: Whatever.

He went on to accuse me that I was the one who sent him the anonymous messages. Actually, the truth is that I was not the one. It was my female friend who got upset when I showed her what he wrote. Simply put, she got on the computer and attacked him. But to him, it was me. Always me. Always for ever. His word is the ultimate one.

Hey Tom, you opened the Pandora's Box by ridiculing that Deaf people are bad tippers (which are not true), you were quick to label us all in a whim. Then you repeatedly called me fat, stupid and so on. What can I do to shrug you off? By calling you ugly, dumbfuck, facial wasting, AIDS boy and so on. An eye for an eye if you ask me. It is not to elevate myself above you, it is to return the favors of what you did to me in the first place.

I never asked you to read my blogs. I never asked you to care about my deaf culture, I never asked you to come over. There is always "X" on the top of your right corner if anyone does not like my blogs.

When a person is ignorant or bigot about deafness, I shall call him "hearie" until he learns his way out. For years, people always call deaf people as "deaf and dumb" or inane comments online like, "What did you say? I did not hear you." These antics are insulting, demeaning and degrading. I think it is healthy to brand a group, especially with hearing people because it indirectly empowered us to stand up and say, "So do you, dumbfuck." So I return the favor by calling you a fuckin' stupid hearie. Deal with it, honey.

Tom Tricoli, please do not deny that you never make fun of one's disabilities. You just did to me in several emails and on your blog. Suffice to say, you are a lousy liar.

When I bring your full name, I never do it with malice. I poke fun at it, you're the joke unto itself. Which is why I knew I made people snicker when I told Captain-Obvious to suck your diseased cock. It is not my problem that you got HIV+, who was careless? Of course, you. If I got HIV Positive, I'll admit that I was stupid and careless. Going to the party where you can get 2nd and 3rd strains of HIV is a testament to how stupid you are. But sadly, you are not the only one in the gay community.

If you believe that I need help because of my deep resentments and/or anger towards hearing people, it is your right to do so. I know who I am, you do not know who I am. It is hard to get me angry about hearies, I often discard and ignore them when they annoy me. Then I crack jokes about people that tried to belittle me. Then after that, I forget all about it. In other words, you are not worthy of my energies, Tom Tricoli.

Of course, you woke up an annoyed hornet today. But today, the annoyed hornet is amused with your lies and creativity. But let it go, little boy.


My Desk ...

After some tumbles on the Chinese bus to New York. The arrival time was 7 AM, but I got there at 6:15 AM. Gawd, the Chinese bus drivers drove too fast. It was refreshing to see such a haze covering the skyscrapers as the sun rises in the open sky.

I have a thing for skyscrapers. I always surf this website when I am very bored. Maybe it is symbolic of male supremacy? I do not know.

Anyway, I found out that my desk at the office was drenched when someone upstairs left the water running all over the floors to my desk. My desk got the brunt of damages. Which means more workload for me to take care of. Just in time for an audit next week. Not a good sign if you ask me.

But I shall learn and move on.

And I'm sorry to say this -- I cannot wait for Benis to come! I just enjoyed his company immensely.

Last night, I cleaned up the boxes and discovered my old index cards. I was relieved. Because it contains some quotes that I amassed over the years.

I shall mention over the time.

Now back to work and fix my desk.


Reagan Sucks

I find it bit eerie that Ronald Reagan dropped dead last Saturday after I made fun of Nancy Reagan on May 27. If you observed over the years, I indirectly killed famous persons: Princess Di, Gianni Versace, John Denver, John F. Kennedy Jr and now Ronald Reagan. Each time I visited their hometowns, they dropped dead in matter of weeks.

Friday is the Federal Mourning Day, which means all federal buildings are closed.

Reagan may be a decent man but he never did a thing for gay people. In fact, it was during his administration that the AIDS exploded on the scene and he kept on associating AIDS with gays, thus lacked the means to get funds to find a cure. I believe that his administration remains No. 1 in AIDS deaths than any administration. In other words, Reagan was a fuckin' homophobe. When I learned that he had Alzheimers Disease 10 years ago, I smirked and said to myself, "He is finished."

Karma is magnificent. It always take care of things on its own, sooner or later. When Reagan refused to acknowledge that AIDS do not discriminate, Karma takes his mind away slowly. I think it was such a poetic justice.

But there are few things that I admire Reagan. For instance, the Berlin Wall. It was Reagan who said, "Mr. Gorbachev, take down the wall!" And the walls tumbled down on my birthday.


I Agreed With Ted Rall

That is how the United States runs the foreign policy.

This may ignite a controversy or a chuckle, but nevertheless Ted is correct on this point.


Monday, June 07, 2004

Manhattan, Here I Come

My time in Richmond may be short and sweet. I'm glad it is very short and sweet because I am restless. I'm glad to go back to the island. The island of more than 7 million inhabitants.

The fuckin' bus leaves at 1 AM and I shall be in stinky Chinatown at 7 AM, sparing any troubles.

Wish me luck.

My weekend with Benis and Awon were ... let's say this way ... very interesting. So far, only Beth knew what's going on.

Take care,


Dad Said It Was His Funniest and Best One with Me

Last night, Dad mentioned that this drama was one of his best moments in his lifetime with me.

I was 4.

Dad took me, Gary and Hedy (my siblings) to Henrico County Courthouse which is a massive building that also housed the Police Department and the county jail as well. Mom was a court clerk. We were waiting to pick her up from her job. I was extremely bored and tired of waiting.

I saw a cute, shiny red box on the wall. I wondered what it is. Dad was busy dealing with Gary. I climbed on the chair and touched the red box. Pulled a white handler down.

D-oh. I just pulled down the fire alarm. I got panicked and tried to put it back by pushing and slamming it back. But the lights won't stop. The blaring alarm won't stop. Dad ran to me and pulled me off and asked me why I did it. I was confused. I did not understand.

I saw the police officers, people who were in jail, men in black robes and all stuff that you can find in the courthouse coming out of the massive building. Dad held me as men in black robes smirked and playfully scolded me. These hot, sexy firemen also came and held me in their arms and playfully scolded me. Mom was distraught with embarassment. A judge told her not to worry, it happens to the best of us.

Dad said it was the best one in his lifetime when it comes to raise a child ... that i pulled the rabbit out of a black hat and took the house out in matter of seconds.

Some old stuff never change, don't they?


Friday, June 04, 2004


My parents installed a brand-new toilet seat in the bathroom and it glows in the dark. It fuckin' rocks. I is the VEE-VEE!!

Here are the pictures of me as a kid ... that's me. You got it right, m'dear. Up and down. Love and hate. Birth and death. Order and chaos. All are interwined within me. *evil maniacal laughter*


Pictures Tells More Than Words

Here are the snapshots of me, friends and Jayson the Free Hugger.

As you can see, the German TV crew were filming us hugging, and does not Rico and Yassine look gorgeous with this cutie?

Here are the other pics of us loitering around the city.

One more good picture snapped by my friend, Lee but I had to remove it because it really blew my blog off the site. So ... I need someone to adjust a little.

How about it? Hope it will make you guys smile a little today.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

It Is 1:25 AM


Guess what? I survived the Chinese bus. When I rode the bus on the Jersey Turnpike, I could see the NYC skyline on the horizons ... it was so beautiful. So proud, so beautiful. It was bit sad to depart, though.

The trip took about 6 1/2 hours to reach Downtown Richmond. Richmond is so tiny in comparison with New York. My father told me to slow down my signs. That I was too fast. I saw too many Walmarts. That is sickening. Somebody should bomb them!

The skyscrapers in Richmond is so tiny ...

Mom and Dad seems to be OK. Dad said that I should live in Virginia and "help" Deaf people in the state. I shot back that I do not have the obligation to do that -- I am my own life, deal with it.

Ahh. Parents!

I is the VEE some stuff on my Dad's desk about my alma mater. Time to grimace, though.

NOTE TO HEARIES: "I is the VEE" is not the right sentence to be used in English but it is something that some Deafies like to make fun of English ... so sometimes we say, "I is the ..."

Will figure out a way to fix the pictures.

Then will deal with Benis on Saturday!



This morning is plainly busy for me. I had to organize things around the office before I head off to Virginia today.

I had been observing my comments in the last few days. I noticed that I had been very abrasive and mean towards different people as well as being nice towards some people. I do not know why but I think the stress probably played a role in this. Work probably is a huge factor. But what made me going over the edge has to be Triple XXX Party. Rico mentioned that these men who engaged in massive orgies does not reflect the whole spectrum of gay community.

I am realistic, I'd like to be optimistic but I am realistic. I do not like to be optimistic *all* the time even with 10 seconds left, I knew I was going to lose but "let's be optimistic" ... that is bullshit. So being realistic is better than being optimistic, sometimes.

The reality is that promiscuity is huge in gay community. I'd love to date, marry and be content. I already met guys who are "committed" with each other but played outside as well. I already met guys who said he fucked 6 guys in a week. I went to chat rooms, practically *everyone else* wants to hook up one way or other. It is everywhere.

It makes me feel ... resigned to the vicious cycles of promiscuity.

It is nice to have close friends to chat on a daily basis but what I wanted is *one* person to contend with for the rest of my life. It seems to me that in gay community, it is impossible. My dear faggots, please do not comment something that I should think positive and something "will" happen. Someone already said that to me about ... 10 years ago.

But seeing Benis & Awon's pics are absolutely nice. It is nice to see them in love and contend with each other without humping all the time. Gay men needs to follow Awon and Benis' examples. And Larry & Kitch.

I'm gone for the weekend, you may go ahead and ignite the fireworks, NYCers.


Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Few Blogs To Check Out

I browsed two blogs and was amused by that. Steven and Michael's blogs are charming and funny. I can relate to Michael because he's from Kentucky (I'm from Virginia). Steven is just funny guy. It's not often that a hearing person gets to make me smile (actually, there are, though). Check 'em out on Hearies Section.

Not so amusing to read: I am such a loser because I am trying so hard to be straight but I am so faggot. Someone want to donate a shotgun to this guy?

There is another gay blogger that I read with disdain. All he talks is about fucking, HIV meds, snorting Crystal Meth and how sweet life is all about. It is so pessimistic that I feel he was asking me to come down to his area and finish him. I don't think it is worth the time to identify him on my own blogsite! So SYL to them!

Have fun blogging,


P.S. Anyone volunteer to edit my huge pics -- I need to fix the pics before I post the pics of me, Rico, Yassine, Lee, Jayson and Corey.

Tomorrow Is The Day!

Last night, I said: "How's ya?" to my hearing brother online. He snapped, "For an educated person, you trying to talk 'How's ya?' makes you sound like one of us here in Hopewell."

Hopewell is a small town in Virginia about 25 minutes southeast of Richmond, Virginia. That is the town where my parents and some siblings lived.

I responded, "I know. I am practicing the lowest standards possible in order to communicate with you and others when I get there on Thursday evening."

I'm pretty curious about the whole thing because ... it'll be my first time to see my parents since last year in January 2003. It will be my first time to be in Hopewell since last year in March 2003 when Marky and I drove through to Atlanta.

Ahh, yes, I got the pics from Travis. They're too big. I need some help to cut and crush them down to tiny pics. Jayson looks good as ever. But I look trashy as ever.


Will wonders never cease?


Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Honestly, This Is Silly

Yes, the Holocaust was a tragedy that happened in the past. We must never forget that. But to punish someone else for what happened more than 50 years ago? To strip the citizenship of an elderly person with no place to go except to a third world country is simply barbaric and wrong.

Many Germans were simply citizens who got caught up in the nationalism craze and fell for Hitler's stuff. But later, they realized they were wrong. And they probably regret and are dealing with it for the rest of their lives. Why continue to do a witchhunt and attack these elderly persons?

The Germans lost the war, they already repented. The peoples who were involved are paying for it with the images stucked on their minds until they die.

Enough is enough, let them go. Stop chasing after these people. Let things stay in the past. Don't be vengeful about it.

If we must make everyone pay for their sins, then nobody on this planet deserved to live as of now.


Captain-Obvious Is The Dumbfuck Loser!

He emailed me and told me to hear his response via the audio (.mp3), I wrote back that I have no interest in hearing or getting his comments to be heard.

The email was returned. He blocked me.

I won the whole thing, motherfucker.

Anyone who does that to anyone and gets away with it is often the bitter queen and decidedly a loser to start with.

Captain-Obvious and Tom Tricoli has something in common, they should date and exchange the bodily fluids for all I care -- at least, two hearies out of the picture.


Jayson, NYC and Triple XXX Equals Insanity!

Getting home at 4 AM to discover the mess that Rico and Yassine left in my bathtub is not something that I enjoyed but at least, I barked at them.

One thing I hated the most about the deaf drunks are that they tend to repeat the conversations and do it with exaggeration. Like, "I WALK WALK WALK TURN RIGHT THEN LEFT THEN SAW ..." instead of "TODAY I WALK THEN SAW ..."

But that was so funny, though.

On Sunday afternoon, we went to Crif Dog for Lee to munch some bacon-wrapped dogs then rushed to Washington Square Park. A mistake.

The park was filled with thousands of people. I was not sure if I can find Jayson in the midst of beautiful park. I told Rico, Yassine and Lee not to sign in front of Jayson so I could observe from afar. They refused to agree. There he is.

He looks good, he looks radiant, he looks sweet. He's all that. Giving free hugs. Rico and Yassine were fast up close to get a hug from Jayson. Lee snapped the pics. Suddenly, Jayson signed. It's cool. I was impressed. Then I came forward and identified myself. It was fun. When we talked, I noticed that there was a TV crew filming our conversation. Turns out that they are a crew from Germany. Extremely cool. So I guess I'll be seen on TV sets in Europe with Jayson.

Will pose the pics of Jayson stuff when I get some from Lee via emails later.

After that, took them to places like Stonewall, Chelsea Piers, The Dugout, Ty's and yeah, Ground Zero.

Later in the evening, we went to Triple XXX party at The Hole. Lee, Rico and Yassine were consistently amazed at the behaviors of gay men engaging in sex. Rico said, "Look at this guy, he just rimmed someone else then kissed someone different. Ew."

Ahh, I didn't think like that but he's right ... EW!

I asked Rico if he VEE-VEE the whole drama? He said, "NO, I quadrupled VEE-VEE the whole thing, I am afraid that if I approach my friends in Ohio this weekend, nobody will believe me. Nobody will believe me when I go back to Amsterdam."

Thanks to that party, the sexually transmitted infections probably doubled the numbers. Something that will keep GMHC (Gay Men's Health Clinic) busy for a long, long and long time. I saw guys' facial expressions in the dungeon and in the main floor, it is borderline of animalistic behavior. Scary, weird and crazy.

No, I did not do anything bad except drinking and observing all night long. Besides, who wants to touch me?

The next day, Lee, Yassine and Rico were pretty exhausted and still talked about the whole ordeal at the Triple XXX party.

Either way, it was good to be with my friends once again. Now I have to figure out a way how to bait Jayson into my arms again. ;-)



No Time To Sleep

Last Friday night, I was able to get some sleep while Rico, Yassine and Web went out to loiter a little. But it was only an hour and half of sleep. After that, I found the keys. Went to meet them at some coffeehouse on 1st Avenue. We went to a restaurant in Soho.

It was a low-key tone that we approached this time before the bang that occurs over the weekend. Call it the calm before the storm.

What a fun it was to be part of the storm.

What a fun it was to be stimulated and laughed all over the weekend.

After that restaurant, we strolled throughout the Washington Square Park to The Cock Bar. I reminded myself and others that this place is where Jayson gives the free hugs. That we have to check it out on Sunday afternoon. Rico, himself from Amsterdam, was not aware about what I was talking about. After some explanations about the free hugger, Rico exclaimed: I MUST SEE IT!

The Cock was packed, rude and abrasive. We decided to ditch it and head out to The Phoenix where it was nice to be able to sit, drink and crack jokes about our lives so far.

We got home very late around 5:30 AM. And we yakked 'til like 6:30 AM, I yelled at them that I had to go to bed.

I woke up at 2 PM the next day with my pager vibrating (not in my ass, thank you very much) on the mattress. It was off to Chinatown to pick Lee (Not that Forbit or Mississippi guy).

Catching up with Lee at Nowhere Bar, Better Burger, XL and The Slide Bar was a blessing, really as Rico and Yassine went on their own rampage around the island. They ended up getting drunk at my home and made a mess. That's OK, though.

There were some pics that were taken by Lee which I will share as soon as I receive from him via emails. The pics of our weekend was very interesting and wonderful. I get to be with my friends and acquaintenances, that is absolutely nicest thing.

More on Sunday & Jayson later!