Last night, I had an interesting dream about the first guy I ever loved, Todd. We were together for two and half years until he freaked out when his parents became suspicious of our relationship, Todd dumped me and went ahead with a girl.
Of course, I was heartbroken at that time. I was young. About 20.
Anyway, in my dream, Todd and I somehow met on the streets of New York. For some reasons, we went to kaybee & Sarah's building on 11 Avenue in Hell's Kitchen. When we entered the premise, the interior design compares to the ones I saw in The Hole and The Cock. Todd said something about missing me. When we wandered inside the building, we bumped into Corey, believe it or not. Then he told me that there is a secret staircase to the apartment upstairs where I can spend some solace with Todd.
We went there. It was nice and serene. We talked, then Todd wanted to buy some drinks -- he had to go through downstairs to get outside. Apparently, he got lost in the building -- I looked all over the place.
Then I returned to the apartment upstairs to find him sleeping on the bed nude, apparently, he found his way around and was waiting for me. But fell asleep. I was nude in a nanosecond and slipped into the bed, embracing him as hard as can be.
It felt so real. He smells good, too.
My dream was shattered as I was jolted by Woody, my roommate's cat, who jumped on me and whined for the attention. Sigh.
After few hours, I still cannot remove the thoughts of Todd today, for some reasons unknown to me.
Maybe I do love him.
I don't know.