Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunday Is Always Good To Relax

On Sunday afternoon, it was warm outside -- not so hot, not so cold -- Jason, Gus and I embarked upon a drive to Center City in Gus' white convertible Mustang. It was always nice to sit in the back and feel the winds going against me. I immediately remembered the song that Disney's Pocahontas sang the song:

You think I'm an ignorant savage
And you've been so many places
I guess it must be so
But still I cannot see
If the savage one is me
How can there be so much that you don't know?
You don't know

You think you own whatever land you land on
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know ev'ry rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of a mountain?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high does the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down then you'll never know
And you' ll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For wether we are white or copper-skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountain
Need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the earth and still
All you'll own is earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

Of course, I can relate to this song. You cannot judge me because I do not conform to the society's ideals. I will not apologize for not being heterosexual, I will not apologize for not cowering before hearing people's repeated patronizations. I will be true to myself, my life is mine!

As Gus' white convertible Mustang approached Downtown Philadelphia, I was enamored with this building with a pyramid on the top, Mellon Bank Tower seemed to stand out along with the glassy buildings -- for some reasons, when Gus pulled into Center City, I quickly thought of Lily Tomlin's performance on a film called All of Me with Steve Martin. Lily told Steve that she would like to transfer her soul into an eagle so that she can shit on some people that she disliked. I liked that attitude of hers.

Abandoned the convertible Mustang on a street in Center City as usual and headed down for one deaf organization's meeting. The meeting was cancelled because not enough Deaf people showed up. Told one fella to bring food the next time, it always works. Deaf people always showed up for free food and drinks. Ask folks in DC, New York and Los Angeles!

I observed something interesting and explained the rationality of this phenomenon to Jason. He grinned about my logic. I noticed that in the gay communities, unattractive gay guys could not get any attention in gay bars, clubs or bathhouses so they turned on to set up the organizations and try to lead them to get some kind of attention for themselves. I mean, they are trying to show that they harbor some kind of intelligence inside their brains despite the fact that they are so eww to look at.

For example, look at Larry Kramer, Bob Donaldson, Barbara Hathaway, Ricky Drake, Bill Terrell, Bruce Carroll of FagPatriot, Jeff of NorthDallasThirty or even, Andrew Sullivan of his! Need more? Check the officers of Capital Metropolitan Rainbow Alliance in D.C.!

Before you could jump on me -- yes, I'm overweight but not as bad as Whale Fatterson -- but I'm not unattractive. And I seemed to have many opportunities to play with a lot of men as well as making friends just easy as committing a sin. I can always lose weight -- in fact, I'm working on it -- and when I achieve the goal, it is safe to say that, despite my modest efforts, I'll look good than the rest of the above, like it or not! I attend the local gym at Ballys -- imagine this! But I do not share the information with you because it is none of your business, simply put.

But the whole point is that, there is a pattern of unattractive gay guys taking the routine in order to get attention for themselves without relying on their looks. Why? Because they simply could not score a guy in the gay bars, clubs or bathhouses with their appearances -- saying that their looks do not matter is full of shit, trust me! Maybe they did score at some peep shows -- I mean, you can't see a face when you are using the glory hole (work not safe)!

When I explained this to Jason, he grimaced with heavy fits of laughters and said, "Y-E-S!"

I went to the local gay bookstore on 12th Street and Pine Street -- I stumbled upon the latest issue of The Advocate -- this particular "hot guy", Emory Etheridge, was featured in this issue. It mentioned that thousands of gay men like Emory has conquered Crystal Meth. But guess what? Emory is HIV Positive. Whose fault was it? His. I do not think the magazine should promote Emory as a good example -- he is what is wrong with the community. It also featured with Chris Beckman (barf!) who said that he was addicted to Crystal Meth. Emory and Chris should not even get a profile of their own in the magazine. What a trash.

I enjoyed watching the gay guys doing their stuff at Woodys Bar's Country Western Nite later in the evening. Somehow, Jason and I had a conversation about HIV Positive guys. I mentioned that I knew of a friend who told me that one time, he dumped the guy after he told him that he's positive.

My friend said that it does not matter if he's prejudiced or ignorant, the point is that it is safe and better to dump him than to deal with any kind of risks. I thought it was interesting to see his point of view.

But my friend complained that the HIV Positive guy turned on my friend and said that he was bigot, ignorant, prejudiced and so on for doing that to him. I can agree wtih my friend -- I do not think he is bigot, ignorant or prejudiced in terminating his date with the poz guy. It is his prerogative to terminate the date/relationship because having the cocktail drugs to pop in everyday isn't funny -- it is his life to decide, not the other way around! Would you date a leper if given a chance? Same idea.

Of course, the persons with HIV/AIDS should be treated with respect and dignity -- but certainly not all persons, because there are some people out there who are out to infect the innocent or naive people on purpose -- some are barebacking, trust me, I know. I already encountered the instances where guys refused to have sex with me because I insisted to wear a condom. These made me lose respect for people who are irresponsible for their own actions. Maybe that is why I'm cyncial these days when it comes to gay people trying to do some noble intentions. I'm like, "Yeah, right, like I care!"

Do I care? Not always. I care about my friends, my family (they are nuts, no question about it!), few bloggers as well ... I'd love to have a partner someday, but do I trust a man? I don't know. My feelings are pretty mixed on this subject. Maybe my expectations are too high, but men certainly are pigs. Or dogs. Because of repression, they learned how to lie and cheat upon each other. But they are still responsible for their actions no matter what. Again, not everyone is the same but

Anyway, saw this cute guy at the bar. Approached him -- we ended up talking bit too much and we exchanged the information in order to get in touch with each other sooner than you think. Ahh, yeah, Mike is cute. And yes, he's hearing. Then I went home later in the evening. Overall, Sunday was a good time to observe in Center City.



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