I was reading the comments on a particular yahoogroup about something related to the bears scene in New York.
Oh, to some of you who are not familiar with the gay community's subculture system -- there are men who are hairy, regardless of what the appearance can be (some are fat, some are muscular) -- they are often referred as "bears", the men who liked the hairy men are often called "admirers" -- or there are men who are slim ... but has some hair on its bodies are called "cubs".
It sounded silly, though. But it is a subculture norm within the gay community that is often taken seriously by its members. Despite the fact that I am hairy with a soft belly, I seem to be an outcast of the bears or cubs norm. Some were pretty brazen in telling me that I am not "bear" enough. That I am not "cub" enough. I am not "twink" enough.
That does not bother me at all. I am kinda used to it. But yes, at times, it annoyed me silly.
Maybe not many "bears" have experiences with relationships -- let's be serious, not many gay men liked overweight men. I know because I was there all the time. I'm always considered as a "friend", but nothing more than that. But lately, I noticed that it has been changing from a friend to a sexual partner. Perhaps in time, to a relationship but that is not the point here.
When some "bears" broke up with their admirerers or "cubs", they tend to be very angry, bitter or vengeful. When their admirer or cub came to me for a chat, I noticed that his ex stared at me with a look that says, "Don't you dare!" -- maybe I observed things excessively.
But it did not happen once or even twice. It happened more than ten times so far.
Maybe I do not belong to that group.
There is an event at Nowhere Bar which occurs every Tuesday called "Big Lug" -- it is an event for big guys and men who admired them. Sometimes I enjoyed going there. Sometimes I do not because the behavior of bears are making me nervous at times. Imagine 400-lb guy coming on you just because you talked to his ex? It is not sexy trying to pull my hand out of his flabs somehow.
Ahh, yeah, I'm going there tonight.
Wish me luck.