Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Assortment of Subjects To Talk About

You know, some Russians whined that the gymnastics were already decided before they competed in which the hunky Aleksei Nemov (Remember the famous shirtless photo in Atlanta '96?) and the anorexic Khorkina complained to the press and federation about what happened with the gymnastics. Well, I should mention that what they sow, they repent. Remember the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City? It was found that a French Judge were pressured by the Russians to help them to win the gold medals over the ones who deserved the most -- the Canadians. So it makes sense this time to do this back to the Russians. The karma can be so cruel, Russians. Deal with it. Next time, don't start it. Oh, Khorkina, pop some depakote tablets.

To keep your mind light for the day? Read Dan Savage's column this week -- this is hugely hilarious. I thought I had it much worse. IN my case, my parents were pretty deadly blunt. My father did not like to talk about sex, but my mother was different. She slammed her hands on the table to get my attention. She said, "YOU KNOW YOUR PENIS??? YOU KNOW HOW TO GET A GIRL PREGNANT??? YOU PUT YOUR PENIS IN A WOMAN'S VAGINA -- NO NO, NO GIRL HAS PENIS! ONLY VAGINA! ONLY VAGINA!! YOU UNDERSTAND ME? WHEN YOU'RE 12 OR OVER, WHEN YOU PUSH YOUR PENIS IN A GIRL'S VAGINA, YOU CAN CAUSE HER PREGNANT. THAT IS WHY YOU CANNOT DO THIS! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!! YOU WILL MAKE ME FURIOUS AND DISOWN YOU, YOU UNDERSTAND ME????"

But I care less. At that time, I knew I liked boys. I think the females were put on Earth by mistake (and still do, hee hee!).

But there are other funny stories. Masturbation stories. One time, a friend told me that we need to use something to jerk off. He suggested the Dial soap -- I did it -- when I spewed, I had to restrain myself from screaming in pain -- the soap went inside the hole and it fuckin' burned.

Later, my friend warned me not to overdo the lotion because it will make my dick ... soft and impotent! What am I supposed to do? Using my spit? That is a good idea. Not.

Ahh, there is famous tale that often happens at deaf schools. The joke goes, "My doctor said that if I jerk off all the time, the palm that I used will grow hair on it!" Often, we would look at each other's palms to make sure that we did not grow hair on it. It was a prank. Very good one. Remember, guys?



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