I love Shane. He's intelligent and calm. When I am erratic, moody or prissy, it is always nice to talk with Shane even for few minutes. He has a blog of his own at www.happilystuckinithaca.com. However, he mentioned something on his blog earlier in the week which I brought it up -- he commented, "It is internalized homophobia, you have to route it out."
I was set back by what he said. The more I think about it, he is right. I have an internalized homophobia. You see, when I get sick, I immediately get worked up and wondered if it is the one I dread all along -- HIV/AIDS. I do not like it -- yes, I get tested routinely but it still makes me paranoid. You never know. And Shane said it is internalized homophobia.
You see, internalized homophobia occured when a person that gets the message that considered gay sex to be wrong. That gay sex is associated with HIV/AIDS. That gay sex is bad. More of when one grew up with the notion of the message -- it hindered a healthy relationship between this particular person with anyone else in particular. I grew up having to deal with my parents, misguided educators, misguided preachers and misguided conservatives who went out so hard to define what I feel is bad, is always bad.
So when I get sick, I get worked up, assuming that this is the one that I will get it. But the reality is that today, I still combat the internalized homophobia. It's all inside my mind and soul. Like Shane said, "You have to route it out," and I have to find a way or something to route it out. Any suggestions?
Oh, by the way, Shane, sorry about the bird thing. It happened to me when I was in San Francisco. God, I was horrified, mortified and embarrassed.
Last night, I saw a cute guy. He stared at me like a cat on a mouse. He introduced himself. I stared at him. He's Martin. From Johannesburg, South Africa. Has six abs. Asked him if he chose wrong person? He laughed and shook his head and pointed at my chest to confirm that it is me he is after.
We chatted. He's smart fella. A professor at UVa. Umm. Small world because I am quite fond of UVa. He got a solid body. He mentioned that he played rugby. Oooo. I mentioned that I got a soft body. He nodded and said, "That's why I... [pointed his finger at my chest]."
Ok, ok. I get it. He is young, but his eyes reminded me of Ed Harris. Hot. Very hot. He mentioned that he got out of a long-term relationship and realized that he does not believe in heteronormative relationship any longer.
Heteronormative? Oh, one that imitates heterosexual behaviors.
Whatever works for him. And me. Suffice to say, I had a good time with Martin. It is rare that I get to meet and chat with intelligent guy with common sense.
R-
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
4:45 AM EST
As bright moon shined in the middle of the night, I groggily woke up at 4:45 AM. Whoa, I fell asleep at 9:30 PM last night. Suddenly, I knew why I woke up at 4:45 AM, it is because my body was shrieking for a glass of water.
I pushed myself out of bed -- landed my feet on the floor in the darkness, searching for flip-flop shoes. Found it, and walked over to the fridge to pull out the large bottle of water and poured the water into a plastic cup. I quickly gulped down my throat. Again, I poured the cold water into the cup and drank it fast.
I headed back to the bed, I saw the bright moon on my right. I looked around the buildings that surrounds my bedroom on 6th floor. My eyes widened when I saw one particular window with all lights on. Four naked guys. Fucking each other. I blinked my eyes to make sure that I'm not crazy. No, I'm not crazy. They are over there. I watched for a minute or two -- they're all pretty bois. Not my type. Very ugly -- actually, I mistook them for women because of smooth bodies. But I realized that they probably shaved it -- absolutely gross.
I was too tired to videotape or jerk off -- so I just went back to bed. I dozed off until the sun replaced the moon in its place.
Ahh, welcome to New York.
R-
I pushed myself out of bed -- landed my feet on the floor in the darkness, searching for flip-flop shoes. Found it, and walked over to the fridge to pull out the large bottle of water and poured the water into a plastic cup. I quickly gulped down my throat. Again, I poured the cold water into the cup and drank it fast.
I headed back to the bed, I saw the bright moon on my right. I looked around the buildings that surrounds my bedroom on 6th floor. My eyes widened when I saw one particular window with all lights on. Four naked guys. Fucking each other. I blinked my eyes to make sure that I'm not crazy. No, I'm not crazy. They are over there. I watched for a minute or two -- they're all pretty bois. Not my type. Very ugly -- actually, I mistook them for women because of smooth bodies. But I realized that they probably shaved it -- absolutely gross.
I was too tired to videotape or jerk off -- so I just went back to bed. I dozed off until the sun replaced the moon in its place.
Ahh, welcome to New York.
R-
Men Are Pigs -- I mean, FDNY
Last night, the air conditioner at our workplace backfired and caused a billowing smoke right outside of our office. It prompted someone to dial 911. One of our co-workers rushed to take care of the ailing air conditioner which spewed its last cold breaths.
Suddenly, our heads turned to see the massive red trucks with red flashes rolling in on our street -- "Who called these damned FDNY?!" Char asked. I counted three trucks, Char shook her head and said, "Five." I grinned and rolled my eyes.
These massive, rugged looking, horny men from the local FDNY entered our office to check upon the air conditioner who died in a bang. I stood and cruised these men. I smirked, not because they re gods. I smirked, because they are idiots.
Why?
Since I moved to New York, I kept on hearing a lot of bad things about FDNY guys. Last December 31, 2003 -- one fireman whacked the other fireman with a metal chair in his face, and his team tried to cover it up. One fire truck crashed into a car, the FDNY driver was found to have cocaine in his body. One firehouse was busted for having lots of alcohol and drugs stashed in a locker. A FDNY Captain was busted for drinking during on-duty performance. There were 28 DWIs issued for FDNY firefighters since last year. Not only that, it was reported that more than 30 firefighters divorced their wives and married the widows of 9/11 FDNY firefighters few months after the 9/11 incident. Not a long time ago, there was a FDNY firefighter who beats up on NYPD cop for stopping his car in a traffic incident.
And last, the most recent scandal occured last Saturday when a female person (or dog?) reported to NYPD that she was gang-raped by 4 FDNY guys at Bronx firehouse (fittingly known as Animal House), prompted a confusing investigation that shockingly mentioned that this same female has some kind of obsessive fixatation with NYPD and FDNY guys since 9/11. It was reported that since 9/11, it is possible that she opened her legs for more than 200 FDNY & NYPD men, who were more than willing to insert their dirty, sooty dicks in a misguided, psychotic woman's vagina (or ass, who knows?).
The top FDNY Chief swears there will be many heads rolling right after the investigation is done. Mayor Bloomberg denounced this outrageous behavior. I laughed a little, too little action is being done, too late. Every month, I seem to hear Mayor Bloomberg denouncing a firefighter for doing this, that and there.
Rest assured, since 9/11, the FDNY capitalized on our massive pity and support and ever since, they tried to operate above the law or morality. Now they are falling apart, but how much apart will they finally hit? I'm still waiting.
Actually, I am waiting for the next scandal. It is more exciting this way.
Oh, by the way, FDNY firefighters, thanks for stopping by last night. It was surely candy for our eyes.
R-
Suddenly, our heads turned to see the massive red trucks with red flashes rolling in on our street -- "Who called these damned FDNY?!" Char asked. I counted three trucks, Char shook her head and said, "Five." I grinned and rolled my eyes.
These massive, rugged looking, horny men from the local FDNY entered our office to check upon the air conditioner who died in a bang. I stood and cruised these men. I smirked, not because they re gods. I smirked, because they are idiots.
Why?
Since I moved to New York, I kept on hearing a lot of bad things about FDNY guys. Last December 31, 2003 -- one fireman whacked the other fireman with a metal chair in his face, and his team tried to cover it up. One fire truck crashed into a car, the FDNY driver was found to have cocaine in his body. One firehouse was busted for having lots of alcohol and drugs stashed in a locker. A FDNY Captain was busted for drinking during on-duty performance. There were 28 DWIs issued for FDNY firefighters since last year. Not only that, it was reported that more than 30 firefighters divorced their wives and married the widows of 9/11 FDNY firefighters few months after the 9/11 incident. Not a long time ago, there was a FDNY firefighter who beats up on NYPD cop for stopping his car in a traffic incident.
And last, the most recent scandal occured last Saturday when a female person (or dog?) reported to NYPD that she was gang-raped by 4 FDNY guys at Bronx firehouse (fittingly known as Animal House), prompted a confusing investigation that shockingly mentioned that this same female has some kind of obsessive fixatation with NYPD and FDNY guys since 9/11. It was reported that since 9/11, it is possible that she opened her legs for more than 200 FDNY & NYPD men, who were more than willing to insert their dirty, sooty dicks in a misguided, psychotic woman's vagina (or ass, who knows?).
The top FDNY Chief swears there will be many heads rolling right after the investigation is done. Mayor Bloomberg denounced this outrageous behavior. I laughed a little, too little action is being done, too late. Every month, I seem to hear Mayor Bloomberg denouncing a firefighter for doing this, that and there.
Rest assured, since 9/11, the FDNY capitalized on our massive pity and support and ever since, they tried to operate above the law or morality. Now they are falling apart, but how much apart will they finally hit? I'm still waiting.
Actually, I am waiting for the next scandal. It is more exciting this way.
Oh, by the way, FDNY firefighters, thanks for stopping by last night. It was surely candy for our eyes.
R-
Monday, August 23, 2004
Again, Paul Hamm!
Such a drama with Paul Hamm regarding the point-system controversy.
Paul does not have to submit to Celizic's opinion. Paul, keep your medal.
I stumble upon Paul & Morgan Hamm's official website. Plenty of pictures to drool. Check it out at www.hamm-twins.com! Enjoy.
One interesting article that I enjoyed reading last week -- I found this again and I thought I'd share this -- Amy, care to comment on this?
I'm out for the day.
R-
Paul does not have to submit to Celizic's opinion. Paul, keep your medal.
I stumble upon Paul & Morgan Hamm's official website. Plenty of pictures to drool. Check it out at www.hamm-twins.com! Enjoy.
One interesting article that I enjoyed reading last week -- I found this again and I thought I'd share this -- Amy, care to comment on this?
I'm out for the day.
R-
A Weekend of Birthdays
I found out that Paul Hamm has a lisp voice. My hearing friends swear that he has to be gay or "something else"!! That increased the chances for me. Not.
Seeing Lithuania beating the United States Men's Basketball team was disheartening but the USA Team is not out of medal contention. As for USA Girls' Basketball team, they are untouchables. Ripping everyone else in sight, leaving no injuries behind. Just kill and move on.
Last weekend was a weekend of birthday parties -- Katie, Sarah and Donna's parties. Ahh. My $$ goes empty so fast. C'est la vie. It was fun dining at KumGangSan, as per Sarah's commented, "It is easy to remember KumGangSan by "Cum Gang San".
Guess who was in town? Rayni and her husband, Eric. Rayni looked fabulous as usual. We chit-chatted for a while. I was heavily buzzed after leaving the Bowlorama. Damn the Stella Artemis! Rayni seemed to enjoy living in Sioux Falls, middle of nowhere in South Dakota. She filled me in on some tidbits about who's who all over the world. My brain was pretty much filled up.
Hey, I have two bodyguards to take care of my homeland security. Here is the proof.
R-
Seeing Lithuania beating the United States Men's Basketball team was disheartening but the USA Team is not out of medal contention. As for USA Girls' Basketball team, they are untouchables. Ripping everyone else in sight, leaving no injuries behind. Just kill and move on.
Last weekend was a weekend of birthday parties -- Katie, Sarah and Donna's parties. Ahh. My $$ goes empty so fast. C'est la vie. It was fun dining at KumGangSan, as per Sarah's commented, "It is easy to remember KumGangSan by "Cum Gang San".
Guess who was in town? Rayni and her husband, Eric. Rayni looked fabulous as usual. We chit-chatted for a while. I was heavily buzzed after leaving the Bowlorama. Damn the Stella Artemis! Rayni seemed to enjoy living in Sioux Falls, middle of nowhere in South Dakota. She filled me in on some tidbits about who's who all over the world. My brain was pretty much filled up.
Hey, I have two bodyguards to take care of my homeland security. Here is the proof.
R-
Quote of the Weekend
Last Saturday at Bowlorama on University Avenue between 12th Street and 13th Street, I mingled with my co-workers who partied and bowled for Donna's 50th Birthday Celebration. That girl is 50, but she looks like 35 or so.
Needless to say, we were pretty crazy on that evening.
However, there were several shelves of pins sitting with many autographs by famous persons. I browsed around while gulping the beer as well as belching some (I had to because the bowling alley is so straight!), I was amused when I saw Richard Jefferson's quote on a pin. Richard is currently playing for the USA Men's Basketball team in Athens, Greece. He also plays for New Jersey (soon to be Brooklyn) Nets. Richard impressed me with his keen thoughts on the game itself.
R-
Needless to say, we were pretty crazy on that evening.
However, there were several shelves of pins sitting with many autographs by famous persons. I browsed around while gulping the beer as well as belching some (I had to because the bowling alley is so straight!), I was amused when I saw Richard Jefferson's quote on a pin. Richard is currently playing for the USA Men's Basketball team in Athens, Greece. He also plays for New Jersey (soon to be Brooklyn) Nets. Richard impressed me with his keen thoughts on the game itself.
R-
Friday, August 20, 2004
An Article About My Parents
Hopewell couple named deaf parents of the year
By MARK DORROH
News Staff Writer
August 17, 2004
Members of the Richmond Chapter of the Virginia Association of the Deaf named Billy Taylor Sr., Deaf Father of the Year and his wife Deanna, Deaf Mother of the Year, during a recent ceremony at Dockside restaurant in Prince George. It's the first time in the history of the VAD that a husband and wife team has been named Mother and Father of the Year.
Billy and Deanna live in Hopewell and have been married since 1962. Their award came in recognition of their role model status as parents and deaf Americans, serving the interests of the hearing-impaired community ofVirginia while rearing six children, two hearing, four deaf.
Deanna is retired from her job as a procurement clerk with Defense General Supply and is the current Richmond Chapter VAD Vice President and the newsletter editor for the Richmond Club for the Deaf. She also has spent considerable time and effort establishing a home for deaf senior citizens in the greater Richmond Metro area. In between those volunteer activities, she manages to find time for her hobbies of travel and fishing.
Billy spent most of his working career in printed communications. Upon graduation from the Virginia School for the Deaf in Staunton in 1955, he became the owner of a shoe repair shop in Ashland. After some years, he switched careers, becoming a Linotype operator at The Hopewell News in 1960 and later for the Washington Post. He returned to the greater Richmond Metroarea from Washington after 25 years and spent his last 17 full-time working years as an Optical Character Reader machinist for the Richmond Post Office.
His volunteer activities are many and varied: He is a past president and board member of the Richmond Club for the Deaf, as well as board member of the Virginia School For the Deaf Alumni Association. His leisure time activities include woodworking, photography, computers and collecting old pictures.
At Friday's awards banquet, Chapter President Allen Justice signed the text of the award while the Taylor's son, Billy Jr., performed the voice translation.
Billy Jr. and his wife live in Prince George while daughter Lily Mountjoy lives in Hopewell and daughter Karen Taylor lives in Richmond. Their daughter Hedy lives in Texas but currently is staying in Hopewell and the family's two youngest sons, Ricky and Gary, live in New York and Florida respectively.
Deanna was born deaf and Billy Sr. became deaf at the age of 2 after a bout of spinal meningitis. Billy Jr. said until he was 5, he thought everybody's parents were deaf. "So far as I was concerned, my growing up was normal," he explained. "Everybody I knew was deaf except my sister Karen."
Despite attending special schools, Billy Junior's brothers and sisters managed to remain in more or less constant touch with each other, which was possible because of changes made in how deaf schools are administrated.
"When my father was off at school during World War II, he'd only get home for holidays and summers," said Billy Jr. "But when we were growing up, my siblings came home every weekend."
Asked about developments in restoration of hearing through cochlear implants, Deanna and Billy Sr. come down firmly on the side of deaf culture. "I'm opposed to the implants," signed Billy Sr. "Any operation or implant has the potential for damage to the body."
Deanna signed, "I'm the way God made me, deaf, and I feel I should be proud of what I am."
Billy Jr. simply said he wouldn't change anything about his family. "If you've never heard a bird sing, you can't miss it," he said. "My father had his hearing and lost it, but he's still proud of being deaf."
© 2004 The Hopewell News All Rights Reserved.
Ridor's Note: There are several errors in this article. My parents were chosen by the STATE, not the Richmond Chapter -- the Richmond Chapter sponsored the banquet.
It is true that Mom loves to fish, I absolutely hate it when Mom said, "I'm going fishing, come with me so we can talk and fish." Then we sat on the pier by James River while Mom fished and yakked about this, that and there. Then picked up the fish and tossed it back in the river, then yakked. As for Dad, he does not collect old pictures, he collects old cameras!
Hedy is not in Hopewell, she is in Dallas. I'm bit disappointed that my hearing brother had to interpret. He shouldn't have done that -- he is there to share the parents' moments. *sigh*
Special schools?! Oh, gawd. Somebody give me a whiffle bat to beat up on Mark.
Sigh.
But overall, nice article, though.
R-
By MARK DORROH
News Staff Writer
August 17, 2004
Members of the Richmond Chapter of the Virginia Association of the Deaf named Billy Taylor Sr., Deaf Father of the Year and his wife Deanna, Deaf Mother of the Year, during a recent ceremony at Dockside restaurant in Prince George. It's the first time in the history of the VAD that a husband and wife team has been named Mother and Father of the Year.
Billy and Deanna live in Hopewell and have been married since 1962. Their award came in recognition of their role model status as parents and deaf Americans, serving the interests of the hearing-impaired community ofVirginia while rearing six children, two hearing, four deaf.
Deanna is retired from her job as a procurement clerk with Defense General Supply and is the current Richmond Chapter VAD Vice President and the newsletter editor for the Richmond Club for the Deaf. She also has spent considerable time and effort establishing a home for deaf senior citizens in the greater Richmond Metro area. In between those volunteer activities, she manages to find time for her hobbies of travel and fishing.
Billy spent most of his working career in printed communications. Upon graduation from the Virginia School for the Deaf in Staunton in 1955, he became the owner of a shoe repair shop in Ashland. After some years, he switched careers, becoming a Linotype operator at The Hopewell News in 1960 and later for the Washington Post. He returned to the greater Richmond Metroarea from Washington after 25 years and spent his last 17 full-time working years as an Optical Character Reader machinist for the Richmond Post Office.
His volunteer activities are many and varied: He is a past president and board member of the Richmond Club for the Deaf, as well as board member of the Virginia School For the Deaf Alumni Association. His leisure time activities include woodworking, photography, computers and collecting old pictures.
At Friday's awards banquet, Chapter President Allen Justice signed the text of the award while the Taylor's son, Billy Jr., performed the voice translation.
Billy Jr. and his wife live in Prince George while daughter Lily Mountjoy lives in Hopewell and daughter Karen Taylor lives in Richmond. Their daughter Hedy lives in Texas but currently is staying in Hopewell and the family's two youngest sons, Ricky and Gary, live in New York and Florida respectively.
Deanna was born deaf and Billy Sr. became deaf at the age of 2 after a bout of spinal meningitis. Billy Jr. said until he was 5, he thought everybody's parents were deaf. "So far as I was concerned, my growing up was normal," he explained. "Everybody I knew was deaf except my sister Karen."
Despite attending special schools, Billy Junior's brothers and sisters managed to remain in more or less constant touch with each other, which was possible because of changes made in how deaf schools are administrated.
"When my father was off at school during World War II, he'd only get home for holidays and summers," said Billy Jr. "But when we were growing up, my siblings came home every weekend."
Asked about developments in restoration of hearing through cochlear implants, Deanna and Billy Sr. come down firmly on the side of deaf culture. "I'm opposed to the implants," signed Billy Sr. "Any operation or implant has the potential for damage to the body."
Deanna signed, "I'm the way God made me, deaf, and I feel I should be proud of what I am."
Billy Jr. simply said he wouldn't change anything about his family. "If you've never heard a bird sing, you can't miss it," he said. "My father had his hearing and lost it, but he's still proud of being deaf."
© 2004 The Hopewell News All Rights Reserved.
Ridor's Note: There are several errors in this article. My parents were chosen by the STATE, not the Richmond Chapter -- the Richmond Chapter sponsored the banquet.
It is true that Mom loves to fish, I absolutely hate it when Mom said, "I'm going fishing, come with me so we can talk and fish." Then we sat on the pier by James River while Mom fished and yakked about this, that and there. Then picked up the fish and tossed it back in the river, then yakked. As for Dad, he does not collect old pictures, he collects old cameras!
Hedy is not in Hopewell, she is in Dallas. I'm bit disappointed that my hearing brother had to interpret. He shouldn't have done that -- he is there to share the parents' moments. *sigh*
Special schools?! Oh, gawd. Somebody give me a whiffle bat to beat up on Mark.
Sigh.
But overall, nice article, though.
R-
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