*Sigh*

This morning is plainly busy for me. I had to organize things around the office before I head off to Virginia today.

I had been observing my comments in the last few days. I noticed that I had been very abrasive and mean towards different people as well as being nice towards some people. I do not know why but I think the stress probably played a role in this. Work probably is a huge factor. But what made me going over the edge has to be Triple XXX Party. Rico mentioned that these men who engaged in massive orgies does not reflect the whole spectrum of gay community.

I am realistic, I'd like to be optimistic but I am realistic. I do not like to be optimistic *all* the time even with 10 seconds left, I knew I was going to lose but "let's be optimistic" ... that is bullshit. So being realistic is better than being optimistic, sometimes.

The reality is that promiscuity is huge in gay community. I'd love to date, marry and be content. I already met guys who are "committed" with each other but played outside as well. I already met guys who said he fucked 6 guys in a week. I went to gay.com chat rooms, practically *everyone else* wants to hook up one way or other. It is everywhere.

It makes me feel ... resigned to the vicious cycles of promiscuity.

It is nice to have close friends to chat on a daily basis but what I wanted is *one* person to contend with for the rest of my life. It seems to me that in gay community, it is impossible. My dear faggots, please do not comment something that I should think positive and something "will" happen. Someone already said that to me about ... 10 years ago.

But seeing Benis & Awon's pics are absolutely nice. It is nice to see them in love and contend with each other without humping all the time. Gay men needs to follow Awon and Benis' examples. And Larry & Kitch.

I'm gone for the weekend, you may go ahead and ignite the fireworks, NYCers.

R-